Getting More presents strategies on how to prepare for and conduct negotiations. Negotiations range from asking for a discount on a purchase, to getting a job, to establishing peace in your family, work, and the Middle East. (i.e. EVERYTHING is a negotiation!)
My key takeaway is that successful negotiation requires you to remove your ego, in order to focus on your goals and the other person's needs.
The 30,000ft summary is to ask ourselves 3 questions:
A. What are my goals?
B. Who are they?
C. What will it take to persuade them?
The book jumps around different strategies, so it's not easy to remember all the good stuff. My goal here is to pull out key learnings from the book, so I can give myself (and you!) a quick refresher on How to Get More.
Preparing for the Negotiation
A. What are my goals?
1. Goals: Short/long term
- Dig deeper, get to the root of your need. "Earn more money" may not be the end goal, which may instead be "Buy a house", or "Spend time with family".
- Understand everyone's goals. Even people in the same team may have different goals. At meetings, ask "What do you want at the end of this meeting that you don't have now?"
B1. Who are they?
2. Parties: Decision marker, 3rd parties
- Who is the decision maker on the other side. Try to go straight to him/her. "Hello, do you have the power to do X?"
- Which 3rd parties can influence the decision maker? Are they are more accessible or persuadable?
B2. What is the picture in their heads?
(Strategy: Do a mock negotiation with role reversal-- argue from the perspective of the other party)
3. Problem(s): in reaching goals
- Find the real problem, and turn it into an opportunity. Ask WHY the other party is acting the way they are. A dispute over a child's curfew or a business valuation may really be a problem of trust, and an opportunity for a better relationship.
4. Needs/Interests: Rational, emotional, shared, conflicting, unequally valued.
- What are their needs/interests? What are their hopes and fears? How can you help them?
- Emotional Needs have to be met before a deal can be made. Make emotional payments with empathy, apologies, and by valuing the other party. eg. Thank the police officer for doing their job, keeping the roads safe etc. Acknowledge the other party's position and power. Be sincere. Think about what their emotional need is and tailor your action to meet it.
5. Perceptions: culture, conflicts, trust
- The right answer to "I hate you" is "Tell me more"
6. Communication: style, relationship?
- What is their preferred communication medium/style?
- How do they form relationships? Straight to business? Or small talk?
C. What will it take to persuade them?
7. Standards: Theirs, norms
- What are their published policies/ standards/ promises/ guarantees?
- What is the standard for the industry/ norms in society?
- Ask them to meet their standards: "Is it your policy to send shirts back to the customer with fewer buttons than they arrived with?" "Isn't high customer service part of your promise? How can you help me remain as a customer?" "Will you agree that no one should interrupt anyone else?" "Do you think it's fair for residents who make the least noise to receive attention last?" "I promise to try hard never to interrupt you. May I have the same consideration?"
- Ask for exceptions: "Has the company ever made an exception to this policy?"
- Ask them to set a standard. eg. Ask for the criteria used to decide raises and bonuses. Get as specific as possible, both about their needs and the amount of bonus.
8. Incremental: Steps to reduce risk.
- Lead the other side slowly with incremental thoughts, or incremental actions.
9. Brainstorm: Options to meet goals and needs. What to trade or link?
- Expand the pie. What items of unequal value can be traded? eg. Lower price for more referrals, holiday work for more vacation days.
- Give them the problem. Use empathy or just ask for help. "What is possible here?" "How can you help to create a solution here?"
10. 3rd parties: Common enemies, influencers
- Who/what is a common enemy we can invoke?
- Who do they respect?
- Who else do you need to account for who is not there? Their boss? Spouse? Colleagues? Can you ally with them to find arguments to persuade their unreasonable boss? Save face in front of their spouse?
11. Framing: Create a vision, develop questions
- Give them a vision of where you want them to go. "Is it your goal to make your customers happy?"
- Summarize what you think you're hearing. "So, you telling me that I should transfer my balance from your card with 17.9% APR to the other bank who is offering 11%?"
12. Who presents: How and to whom?
- Who on my team will be most likely to get the other party to meet my goals? Who is the right negotiator on the other side? The more powerful people are, the less attention they pay to the other side's needs. A more junior member of the team may be a better negotiator.
- Do we need a cross-cultural interface manager? ie. Someone who knows both cultures and is trusted by both.
- Accommodating people are good openers, they help connect with the other party.
- Aggressive, goal directed people are good closers, they will make sure the deal gets done.
- Collaborators make good facilitators, the consider the needs of all parties.
- Compromisers are good in an emergency, they can make decisions quickly.
13. Commitments/incentives for adherence: Especially for them.
- How do they make commitments? Do they honor contracts? Are they trustworthy? If not, take only incremental steps to reduce risk to yourself.
- Set incentives or penalties for adherence or non-adherence. "It will give me comfort and cost you nothing if what you say is true."
14. Next steps: Who does what?
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During the Negotiation:
- Set an agenda. Start with the easy things to give both parties a sense of accomplishment.
- Do not get emotional or distracted from your goals. React to accusations by asking for information.
- Focus on the future, not on assigning blame for the past. Ask "What do we do now and how do we prevent this from happening again."
- Establish a relationship, focus on the other party. Listen and ask questions.
- Look for small signals. "I can't sell you these files." --> "Can someone else make this decision?" "Who can you sell them to - my university department instead of the student group?" "Can you give me these files?"
- Be persistent and incremental.
- Always communicate:
--- State the obvious. "We don't seem to be getting along. Why not?"
--- Acknowledge differences openly. Find out their fears and address them.
--- Apologize in advance. "I might accidentally say something inappropriate. I wish I knew your culture better. Every time I make a mistake, could you please advise me?"
--- Be collaborative, not confrontational. "Please tell me where I'm wrong here."
In general:
- Consult before deciding. "I need to make a decision on this by x time tomorrow. If I don't hear from you by then, I'll assume it's okay to proceed as outlined."
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Whew. That was a lot. There's more in the book, and I found the case studies especially useful. Buy Getting More from Amazon if you want more material. There are specific scenarios for getting a job, negotiating with children, and more. Again, my key takeaway is that successful negotiation requires you to remove your ego, in order to focus on your goals and the other person's needs.
Was this useful for you? Please drop me a comment on how to improve!
